"It's not fair"! How many times have we heard that phrase? Someone else always lands on Boardwalk and Park Place. The best horse on the carousel always gets taken before you get there. The rock breaks your window on the freeway. It's always something. Injustice abounds.
One definition, and probably what most think of when speaking of fairness, is "in accordance with the rules or standards".
With that in mind, how does "fair" relate to our lives? It isn't fair that my child has to struggle with ADHD. Fair, in accordance with what rule or standard? Who makes the rules for life? Why weren't we given a copy of the rule book?
Maybe we did. Maybe we just don't like the particular rule. While I may not think it fair for my child to have to go through this, it is hardly "unfair". God chose this path for a reason. Why, I have no idea, as is the case with many things. But I do know this, God has a plan. It may take years for me to see it, or maybe I never will understand, but there is a plan. Maybe God wants me to become more empathetic to the plights of others. Maybe He wants me to become better at helping others through difficult situations. Maybe He wants me to devote more time to my children. Maybe it isn't about me at all. Maybe it is my child whom God is grooming for some greater good. Maybe it is one of his classmates. Maybe it is one of you, who are reading this. Who knows??
God does, and He has since eternity past.
Fair? For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life. When God created the rule book, it's hard to argue about our circumstances being unfair. Jesus could have said, "but its not fair". Instead, He said, "not my will, but your will".
There are many people in far worse situations than I am in. There are many children with far greater challenges than Cody has. We may not like the cards we've been dealt, but we were never promised that life would be easy, much less, fair, as we perceive it.
Heb 4:16 Therefore let us come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Monday, October 13, 2014
Where to Start
That is the nagging question, where do I start? There is such an abundance of information to wade through. Evaluations, diagnosis, online data, books, support groups, informational classes, 504s, IEPs, physiology, parenting resources, educational advocacy, medicines, exercises, relaxation, structural recommendations, how-to this, how-to that, do this, don't do that, hurry up, be patient...
Information overload.
Where do you start to try understand what your child needs. What does he need first? Who do I need? What I really need is advice from someone who is just a few months ahead of me in the process. But not just anyone, Someone who has taken the right steps, not only in the right direction, but in the right order. Is there a right order? Is there a right direction?
I think that all depends on the child. Where does he need the most help, the quickest? What can I do that is most beneficial for him at this point in our journey?
I don't have answers to any of these questions. What I do have is instinct. I'd like to think I've gained a little wisdom in my time on earth. I think what my son needs most from me, not just now, but always, is to know that I care, to know that I love him and to know that I will do anything I am able to do to help him in this life. In that, he is no different from any child.
We attended a class tonight that was focused on helping in the area of school challenges. While I think the general information given was a little ahead of where we are, we did get a couple of lists of more resources. I have been able to check out a few of the ones I've already collected and found some that appear as though they will be helpful and some that might not fit our needs. I'm planning on attending another one, hosted by one of the well-spoken of resources, tomorrow. I am very interested in hearing from other parents in what I hope will be a well-moderated session. I think this will be an opportunity to get an opinion or three on my nagging question, where to start.
If I can digress for a moment, and I think, being that this is my blog, I have permission... One thing that annoys me greatly at meetings like these are those people that seem to think that their specific concerns are worthy of stopping the entire meeting for. A lady tonight, during a two-hour overview, asked several questions that related only to her child, not on the topic being spoken of, and right in the middle of the facilitator speaking. One being, how to get my child to stop blowing spit bubbles... Time and place ma'am, time and place.
I feel the need to hit the ground running in this marathon, but I just want to be sure I don't run 26 miles in the wrong direction. I don't run that well as it is. It would be quite an accomplishment to win the New York Marathon while running the Boston Marathon. Or, I guess in my case, to finish dead last in one while running the other...
It is essential to aim in the correct direction if you are to have any chance of hitting the target. When it comes to my child, I don't want to waste any ammunition firing blindly at targets that have no value. I know I won't always hit the bullseye, but I fully intend on giving it my best shot, every time.
This has been a bit of a ramble, but I think it probably illustrates where my head is right now. Pray for direction.
Information overload.
Where do you start to try understand what your child needs. What does he need first? Who do I need? What I really need is advice from someone who is just a few months ahead of me in the process. But not just anyone, Someone who has taken the right steps, not only in the right direction, but in the right order. Is there a right order? Is there a right direction?
I think that all depends on the child. Where does he need the most help, the quickest? What can I do that is most beneficial for him at this point in our journey?
I don't have answers to any of these questions. What I do have is instinct. I'd like to think I've gained a little wisdom in my time on earth. I think what my son needs most from me, not just now, but always, is to know that I care, to know that I love him and to know that I will do anything I am able to do to help him in this life. In that, he is no different from any child.
We attended a class tonight that was focused on helping in the area of school challenges. While I think the general information given was a little ahead of where we are, we did get a couple of lists of more resources. I have been able to check out a few of the ones I've already collected and found some that appear as though they will be helpful and some that might not fit our needs. I'm planning on attending another one, hosted by one of the well-spoken of resources, tomorrow. I am very interested in hearing from other parents in what I hope will be a well-moderated session. I think this will be an opportunity to get an opinion or three on my nagging question, where to start.
If I can digress for a moment, and I think, being that this is my blog, I have permission... One thing that annoys me greatly at meetings like these are those people that seem to think that their specific concerns are worthy of stopping the entire meeting for. A lady tonight, during a two-hour overview, asked several questions that related only to her child, not on the topic being spoken of, and right in the middle of the facilitator speaking. One being, how to get my child to stop blowing spit bubbles... Time and place ma'am, time and place.
I feel the need to hit the ground running in this marathon, but I just want to be sure I don't run 26 miles in the wrong direction. I don't run that well as it is. It would be quite an accomplishment to win the New York Marathon while running the Boston Marathon. Or, I guess in my case, to finish dead last in one while running the other...
It is essential to aim in the correct direction if you are to have any chance of hitting the target. When it comes to my child, I don't want to waste any ammunition firing blindly at targets that have no value. I know I won't always hit the bullseye, but I fully intend on giving it my best shot, every time.
This has been a bit of a ramble, but I think it probably illustrates where my head is right now. Pray for direction.
Friday, October 10, 2014
In the Beginning...
This is very difficult for me, for a number of reasons. Most are probably selfish reasons. The main reason is because I love my son and I am not terribly interested in watching him struggle. It makes me angry, sad, over-whelmed, scared, unprepared, alone and useless all at the same time. I know that what he faces will be a constant battle for him. I know that he will probably feel all of those things as well, only probably much more than I do or even than I can imagine. I don't want him to go through this. But, he has to, and so do I.
We are at the absolute beginning of this journey. We haven't even gotten the official diagnosis yet, but I know what it will be. I have known for a couple of years that we would eventually get to this point. He has ADHD.
I used to have doubts about the reality of this condition. I use to believe that it was diagnosed and treated as kind of a cop-out for people who didn't want to deal with a difficult child. I used to think it was an excuse for the result of poor parenting. I was wrong. I have learned more in the last few days about this condition than I ever wanted to learn. Of all the stuff I have learned, the most important is that my child has something that he will need lots of help from me with. He can't research and understand all of the details and options available to him. He can't yet comprehend all that this entails. I can, and I have to. That is one of the things that makes me feel over-whelmed.
We were given a list of resources that might be of some help to us. I know that there are lots of people in similar situations. I know that there are lots of people who have incredible insight into this. I know there are lots of people that can help us through this. I know. That doesn't make it any easier for me at the moment. I'm not there yer. I have faith that I will get there, but I'm not there yet.
In addition to all of the help and support we have available, we also have our Lord and Savior. As I was typing the previous paragraph, a verse, which several years ago gave me fits trying to understand, came to mind. I don't view this as a coincidence or any small thing. 2 Timothy 1:12 says, "...for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day." That verse along with another that was brought to mind from Psalm 121, which, in part says, "...My help comes from Jehovah, who made Heaven and earth."
I know not everyone who reads this will give much thought to that, but for me, it is of utmost importance and I know I can rely on it.
This is a journey. This is a process. This isn't something that we will overcome, it is something that we will have to deal with for a long time. We are just taking the first steps, but I am already, just in the course of writing this blog more hopeful than I was twenty minutes ago. I don't expect this will be easy, nothing worthwhile ever is. I expect it will be much harder for my son, who has yet to come to a place in his life where he understand and relies on the promises of God like I do. So, one of the sources of help, not from the packet of information we were given, that I have to lean on more than any others has been made very clear to me.
I started to say, I got off track in what I was talking about. That may be the case, but I think what actually happened is that I got ON track.
My kids are more important to me than I know how to explain. If you have kids, you know what I'm talking about. Cody is so full of life and has such a wonderful personality. The last thing I want to do is see that dimmed. I expect that I will learn of many treatment options pretty soon, one of which is medication. I already know that most of the available medication have side effects. One common side effect is that it "flattens" out the person. Dims the brightness that they shine, so to speak. I'm not at all eager for that to happen. We will deal with that hurdle when we get to it. I think the main reason I didn't admit to his problem sooner was this reality was there, gnawing at me. I know when the time comes, that will be my main argument against. I also know that I will probably become convinced that the trade off will be worth it. Whether it truly will or not is yet to be seen. I think the second to last thing I want to do is to make a decision that will prevent my son from getting help that he obviously needs. This battle rages in my mind...
This is only the beginning. I need to slow down and breathe.
I know I have many friends that will offer up advice and encouragement. I appreciate that, I truly do. I would only ask that you don't do an information dump on me. I am not looking for advice by writing this blog. Please don't take that the wrong way. What you can do, if you feel like you need to help, is pray. I may ask for specific things at some point, but for now, let the Lord lead your prayers in this matter.
My heart is pounding as I ponder whether or not to even publish this blog.
I love you Cody!
We are at the absolute beginning of this journey. We haven't even gotten the official diagnosis yet, but I know what it will be. I have known for a couple of years that we would eventually get to this point. He has ADHD.
I used to have doubts about the reality of this condition. I use to believe that it was diagnosed and treated as kind of a cop-out for people who didn't want to deal with a difficult child. I used to think it was an excuse for the result of poor parenting. I was wrong. I have learned more in the last few days about this condition than I ever wanted to learn. Of all the stuff I have learned, the most important is that my child has something that he will need lots of help from me with. He can't research and understand all of the details and options available to him. He can't yet comprehend all that this entails. I can, and I have to. That is one of the things that makes me feel over-whelmed.
We were given a list of resources that might be of some help to us. I know that there are lots of people in similar situations. I know that there are lots of people who have incredible insight into this. I know there are lots of people that can help us through this. I know. That doesn't make it any easier for me at the moment. I'm not there yer. I have faith that I will get there, but I'm not there yet.
In addition to all of the help and support we have available, we also have our Lord and Savior. As I was typing the previous paragraph, a verse, which several years ago gave me fits trying to understand, came to mind. I don't view this as a coincidence or any small thing. 2 Timothy 1:12 says, "...for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day." That verse along with another that was brought to mind from Psalm 121, which, in part says, "...My help comes from Jehovah, who made Heaven and earth."
I know not everyone who reads this will give much thought to that, but for me, it is of utmost importance and I know I can rely on it.
This is a journey. This is a process. This isn't something that we will overcome, it is something that we will have to deal with for a long time. We are just taking the first steps, but I am already, just in the course of writing this blog more hopeful than I was twenty minutes ago. I don't expect this will be easy, nothing worthwhile ever is. I expect it will be much harder for my son, who has yet to come to a place in his life where he understand and relies on the promises of God like I do. So, one of the sources of help, not from the packet of information we were given, that I have to lean on more than any others has been made very clear to me.
I started to say, I got off track in what I was talking about. That may be the case, but I think what actually happened is that I got ON track.
My kids are more important to me than I know how to explain. If you have kids, you know what I'm talking about. Cody is so full of life and has such a wonderful personality. The last thing I want to do is see that dimmed. I expect that I will learn of many treatment options pretty soon, one of which is medication. I already know that most of the available medication have side effects. One common side effect is that it "flattens" out the person. Dims the brightness that they shine, so to speak. I'm not at all eager for that to happen. We will deal with that hurdle when we get to it. I think the main reason I didn't admit to his problem sooner was this reality was there, gnawing at me. I know when the time comes, that will be my main argument against. I also know that I will probably become convinced that the trade off will be worth it. Whether it truly will or not is yet to be seen. I think the second to last thing I want to do is to make a decision that will prevent my son from getting help that he obviously needs. This battle rages in my mind...
This is only the beginning. I need to slow down and breathe.
I know I have many friends that will offer up advice and encouragement. I appreciate that, I truly do. I would only ask that you don't do an information dump on me. I am not looking for advice by writing this blog. Please don't take that the wrong way. What you can do, if you feel like you need to help, is pray. I may ask for specific things at some point, but for now, let the Lord lead your prayers in this matter.
My heart is pounding as I ponder whether or not to even publish this blog.
I love you Cody!
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